"I believe everything. It's easier than thinking." Winnie the Pooh
I was recently offended by a commercial for a service that will make it unnecessary to make trips to the post office for postage. It begins with a man saying, "There is nothing worse than standing in line at the post office." Obviously, the man hasn't heard about war, famine, racism, and homophobia, just to name a few things that might be considered worse than waiting in a line.
What bothers me is that there was not an uproar challenging that particular commercial as, to put it plainly, stupid. But with all the ignorant messages foisted upon humanity it's kind of difficult to focus on being media savvy. In fact, I think it might drive some people over the brink.
Another of my favorite commercials is for a fast food chicken product that laughs at its competitors who sell chicken nuggets. "What part of the chicken is the nugget," they ask with a smirk. Then they urge consumers to try their popcorn chicken without telling us what part of the chicken is the popcorn. I guess that some things in life will remain a mystery.
But aside from commercials, I sometimes question my own proclamations. At times I notice myself going through the day and spouting platitudes and expected phrases as reactions to other people's platitudes rather than examining what I really believe and putting those thoughts out into the world. But maybe it's because I'm not always sure what I believe and oftentimes base my statements on what I think people might expect me to say or what, I think, will encourage people to think well of me.
It's going to take me a bit of time to digest thoughts about beliefs and motives and media information. So while I do that I believe I'll take a walk. It's a lovely day and time to get my dose of vitamin D. I believe I'll also make an effort to listen more carefully. As the Irish proverb states, "God gave us two ears and one mouth so we ought to listen twice as much as we speak." And maybe throw in a little thinking.
Showing posts with label Good Care Reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Good Care Reflections. Show all posts
Friday, March 16, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Time To Relax
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| Squirrel Sunning On Grill |
It seems that the squirrel had come upon the gas grill that's just outside our back door on the deck and noticed that the black cover on the grill absorbed the heat of the sun. Except I'm sure he or she didn't have all the scientific jargon running through his or her mind. At any rate, there the little critter sprawled out, changing his or her position about every ten minutes to take better advantage of the rays.
Sometimes s/he would wash or scratch and then, once again, sprawl in the sunlight. This went on for about a half hour and even continued when I approached with my camera to take a few inspirational pictures. Here's to the wisdom of the squirrel who reminded me how important it is to relax and demonstrated a great way to take vitamin D!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The Peanut Butter War
Once, while I was visiting a senior care facility at lunchtime, an elderly resident asked the nurse if he could have some peanut butter. I don't remember what food item he wanted it for but I remember that the request didn't sound too far-fetched to me. Remember, this comment is coming from a woman who, as a child, enjoyed peanut butter and pickle sandwiches.
The nurse, instead of fulfilling his request, explained that he was given peanut butter every morning for his toast (seems the gentleman liked peanut butter) but his lunch request was not, in her opinion, the correct way to eat peanut butter. The resident suddenly looked like a child who had just been scolded.
My heart went out to the resident who had, as most residents, reached that time of life when most of what is familiar to them is taken away and they live a very confined life. Must the peanut butter go too because of the taste preference of a nurse?
Which led me to think about my son-in-law. I recently found out that he's not perfect. Oh yes, he is polite, non-judgmental, an incredible husband and dad and all that kind of stuff. But I recently found out that he does not like cats, and "not like" is probably not strong enough language to describe his feelings toward cats. Raised on a farm where animals were considered animals and not pets, he just has no warm and fuzzies whenever he sees an animal defined as a pet. So it struck me as rather odd that one of his daughters has a pet cat.
One day, when I was visiting, I checked in with my granddaughter on that subject. "Your dad really does not like cats at all?" I asked her. She confirmed the fact. "But you have a cat! Why did he let you have a cat?"
She looked at me with a look of sweet tolerance for someone who had just asked an extremely stupid question. "Because he loves me," she said very matter-of-fact. At that moment my son-in-law nudged himself closer to the perfect category. Now about that peanut butter.
The nurse, instead of fulfilling his request, explained that he was given peanut butter every morning for his toast (seems the gentleman liked peanut butter) but his lunch request was not, in her opinion, the correct way to eat peanut butter. The resident suddenly looked like a child who had just been scolded.
My heart went out to the resident who had, as most residents, reached that time of life when most of what is familiar to them is taken away and they live a very confined life. Must the peanut butter go too because of the taste preference of a nurse?
Which led me to think about my son-in-law. I recently found out that he's not perfect. Oh yes, he is polite, non-judgmental, an incredible husband and dad and all that kind of stuff. But I recently found out that he does not like cats, and "not like" is probably not strong enough language to describe his feelings toward cats. Raised on a farm where animals were considered animals and not pets, he just has no warm and fuzzies whenever he sees an animal defined as a pet. So it struck me as rather odd that one of his daughters has a pet cat.
One day, when I was visiting, I checked in with my granddaughter on that subject. "Your dad really does not like cats at all?" I asked her. She confirmed the fact. "But you have a cat! Why did he let you have a cat?"
She looked at me with a look of sweet tolerance for someone who had just asked an extremely stupid question. "Because he loves me," she said very matter-of-fact. At that moment my son-in-law nudged himself closer to the perfect category. Now about that peanut butter.
Monday, February 13, 2012
A Few Kind Words
"Everybody likes a compliment." Abraham Lincoln
I have a confession to make. Besides sitting out in my art studio and making stuff for many hours of the day I also waitress at my son's restaurant two nights a week. I have been dabbling in restaurant work for over 45 years, oftentimes as a manager, and I love the interaction with the guests as well as with the restaurant staff.
Through all those years of connecting with the public I've learned how effective a compliment can be to establish rapport. I've also learned that most people can spot a false compliment a mile away. False compliments are like the bar talk between singles just before closing time. You get the picture.
At any rate, on a recent, busy Saturday night a young couple came into the restaurant. I'd guess that they were in their early 30's. The waitresses all noticed the young man immediately because he was tall and slim and had a soft, rugged look. One of the waitresses wondered if he might be a model. The waitress who had their table said that he was extremely polite. Well, I just couldn't let the moment pass.
As the couple was leaving I walked up to them and said to the young man, "The wait staff took a vote and decided that you were the best looking man in the restaurant this evening." He not only smiled, he glowed. The young woman with him was also beaming.
Too often, however, I notice something about a person, such as a kindness they do, and fail to mention. Fail to simply move my lips and put into words what I'm thinking. What a shame because it's just as easy to notice and speak. And as Honest Abe tells us, "Everybody likes a compliment." Wouldn't that be a nice little gift to give to people in your life for Valentines Day!
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| The Most Handsome Man in My Life - Dad, about a year before he died |
Through all those years of connecting with the public I've learned how effective a compliment can be to establish rapport. I've also learned that most people can spot a false compliment a mile away. False compliments are like the bar talk between singles just before closing time. You get the picture.
At any rate, on a recent, busy Saturday night a young couple came into the restaurant. I'd guess that they were in their early 30's. The waitresses all noticed the young man immediately because he was tall and slim and had a soft, rugged look. One of the waitresses wondered if he might be a model. The waitress who had their table said that he was extremely polite. Well, I just couldn't let the moment pass.
As the couple was leaving I walked up to them and said to the young man, "The wait staff took a vote and decided that you were the best looking man in the restaurant this evening." He not only smiled, he glowed. The young woman with him was also beaming.
Too often, however, I notice something about a person, such as a kindness they do, and fail to mention. Fail to simply move my lips and put into words what I'm thinking. What a shame because it's just as easy to notice and speak. And as Honest Abe tells us, "Everybody likes a compliment." Wouldn't that be a nice little gift to give to people in your life for Valentines Day!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Sabbatical
This past month, January of 2012, I took some time off for myself. I spent the month mainly in my art studio, reconnecting with the things that I love to do. I also spent a large part of my time cooking, which is another creative activity that I love. My freezer is now filled with containers of easily accessible meals and my recipe blog, loveyathemom.blogspot.com, is bursting with new recipes and information about the foods that we eat.
As much as I believe in the value of the work that people do with and for others, I also believe in the importance of good self-care if a person is to be of value to others. To continually take without replenishing leaves me tired and wondering when in the world I'll ever find the time to do the things that I believe need to be done.
As part of my jumping back into the fray I decided to explore websites and blogs dedicated to care of the senior population. Some of the sites had sections about creative ideas. Almost every posting was at least 40 to 60 months old. Have the last 3 to 5 years been especially difficult and overwhelming, or did caregivers simply loss interest and a sense of purpose? Maybe it's time for an all out recharging of personal batteries. What do you love to do? Have you given yourself the gift of time to enjoy whatever it is that buoys you up and keeps you at your best? This could be the perfect time!
As much as I believe in the value of the work that people do with and for others, I also believe in the importance of good self-care if a person is to be of value to others. To continually take without replenishing leaves me tired and wondering when in the world I'll ever find the time to do the things that I believe need to be done.
As part of my jumping back into the fray I decided to explore websites and blogs dedicated to care of the senior population. Some of the sites had sections about creative ideas. Almost every posting was at least 40 to 60 months old. Have the last 3 to 5 years been especially difficult and overwhelming, or did caregivers simply loss interest and a sense of purpose? Maybe it's time for an all out recharging of personal batteries. What do you love to do? Have you given yourself the gift of time to enjoy whatever it is that buoys you up and keeps you at your best? This could be the perfect time!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Light Up Your Life
I began with one of those paper lamps that you can purchase at Pier 1 and other such stores. This one has been hanging around our house for about 10 years. I combined this with yards of ribbon that I've also collected over the years. Most of the ribbon was purchased for pennies at garage sales.
I attached the strips of ribbon to the top of the paper shade with my favorite adhesive, gloss gel. I'm now waiting for some additional strips to curl (they're wound tight and held together with tape) so I can add them as a final embellishment. The lamp now looks a lot like a hot air balloon and glows beautifully in our living room.
I'm also looking at other lamps in our house and imagining them embellished with ribbon or strings of beads. Also, some of my chairs don't stand of chance of escaping unscathed.
Happy play time!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Aftermath
Yesterday our Tuesday afternoon group met. The idea was to work on our Christmas table decorations. This is a long term project that we started a few weeks ago by creating some paper to cover boxes before we'd add some ribbon. We also painted the insides of clear ornaments. But that wasn't the high point of the afternoon.
As I reported last week I had a creativity meltdown and couldn't get an idea to take shape the way I had envisioned. As a fallback plan we painted small flowerpots in fall colors and added some silk flowers along with a bit of bling.
When I arrived for this week's session the residents were happy and excited. It seems that there had been a luncheon and their creations were used on the tables. The women at the luncheon marveled at the pieces and asked where the facility had purchased them. When they heard that they were made by the residents they asked if more could be made and sold at next year's craft sale. Some of the residents from the Tuesday group were in the area and heard and saw the commotion.
It was immensely gratifying for the residents to have their work acknowledged. It was a lesson for me in going with the flow. Not all plans go according to plan. And that's OK. Creating community is, perhaps, the most important thing we create. The rest is bonus.
As I reported last week I had a creativity meltdown and couldn't get an idea to take shape the way I had envisioned. As a fallback plan we painted small flowerpots in fall colors and added some silk flowers along with a bit of bling.
When I arrived for this week's session the residents were happy and excited. It seems that there had been a luncheon and their creations were used on the tables. The women at the luncheon marveled at the pieces and asked where the facility had purchased them. When they heard that they were made by the residents they asked if more could be made and sold at next year's craft sale. Some of the residents from the Tuesday group were in the area and heard and saw the commotion.
It was immensely gratifying for the residents to have their work acknowledged. It was a lesson for me in going with the flow. Not all plans go according to plan. And that's OK. Creating community is, perhaps, the most important thing we create. The rest is bonus.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Communication
I was recently shopping at Marshall's, hoping against hope that I would find something that would make me look ravishing, world-wise, and capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time. Dare to dream. I did manage to find a pair of jeans that did not make me look ridiculous.
In the next aisle over was a young couple - she, looking through sweaters and he, dutifully tagging along. After a few minutes he said, "I thought you came here to buy shoes." I guess with communication would come understanding. Not all men understand the communication of what exactly is going to happen when some women go shopping for shoes. Not all women understand the understanding of some men when they hear a woman say that she's going shopping for shoes. Do you think that men and women should shop separate from each other?
I believe that it's important to know what we're communicating, and what the other person is hearing, when we use words. I also believe that it's important to be aware of what we're communicating with our facial expressions and postures. Once again I was at a training and had some professionals come up to me and state unequivocally that their residents will not do activities.
Flash back to an enlightening weekend spent learning about myself at an event known as Landmark Forum. When dealing with communication and behaviors, the participants at The Forum, were asked to consider the question, "Who am I being?" If a spouse or child is difficult to deal with we were urged to ask, "Who am I being that this person is behaving that way with me?" This was not done to assess blame, but rather to examine other ways of being with that person.
Bottom line, as anonymous said, "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." Perhaps it's simply a matter of changing the way we do what we do. And then learning how to walk and chew gum.
In the next aisle over was a young couple - she, looking through sweaters and he, dutifully tagging along. After a few minutes he said, "I thought you came here to buy shoes." I guess with communication would come understanding. Not all men understand the communication of what exactly is going to happen when some women go shopping for shoes. Not all women understand the understanding of some men when they hear a woman say that she's going shopping for shoes. Do you think that men and women should shop separate from each other?
I believe that it's important to know what we're communicating, and what the other person is hearing, when we use words. I also believe that it's important to be aware of what we're communicating with our facial expressions and postures. Once again I was at a training and had some professionals come up to me and state unequivocally that their residents will not do activities.
Flash back to an enlightening weekend spent learning about myself at an event known as Landmark Forum. When dealing with communication and behaviors, the participants at The Forum, were asked to consider the question, "Who am I being?" If a spouse or child is difficult to deal with we were urged to ask, "Who am I being that this person is behaving that way with me?" This was not done to assess blame, but rather to examine other ways of being with that person.
Bottom line, as anonymous said, "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." Perhaps it's simply a matter of changing the way we do what we do. And then learning how to walk and chew gum.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Attitude
I recently spent an afternoon in a social situation with some acquaintances that I'm in contact with on a rather infrequent basis. One of the women in the group is an absolute strobe light when it comes to attitude. She enters the room with a beaming smile, tells about all the wonderful things going on in her life, and draws out people and their stories. She physically applauds other people as they relate incidents from their lives.
One would think that this woman has a charmed life. Not exactly. For work she's a nurse in a hospital unit for children. She deals with children and dying on a daily basis. In her personal life she is the mother of a mentally challenged daughter who is now a teen with the mind of a toddler. Yet she celebrates every small ability that her daughter has and every small accomplishment that her daughter makes, sharing with other the wonders of her special child.
The day we were together was a rainy, cloudy fall day. "Isn't the sky lovely when it's overcast like this," she said. There is no false bravado in this woman. Just an ability to look around and see and celebrate what's good in life and what's good in others. I'm grateful for people like this who I can call to mind when I'm doing the drama queen bit over some small inconvenience in my life. Thanks, Cathy.
One would think that this woman has a charmed life. Not exactly. For work she's a nurse in a hospital unit for children. She deals with children and dying on a daily basis. In her personal life she is the mother of a mentally challenged daughter who is now a teen with the mind of a toddler. Yet she celebrates every small ability that her daughter has and every small accomplishment that her daughter makes, sharing with other the wonders of her special child.
The day we were together was a rainy, cloudy fall day. "Isn't the sky lovely when it's overcast like this," she said. There is no false bravado in this woman. Just an ability to look around and see and celebrate what's good in life and what's good in others. I'm grateful for people like this who I can call to mind when I'm doing the drama queen bit over some small inconvenience in my life. Thanks, Cathy.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Thirty Days
In July I posted about a TED presentation given by Matt Cutts who challenged people to try doing something for 30 days, stating that anyone can do anything for just 30 days. Right on, Matt! I said that I was going to take up that challenge and report back on the results. Well, Matt was correct about one thing. It is possible to do something for thirty days, whether it's an exercise, eating or cleaning course of action. But something else happened during those thirty days.
I found out that I accomplish more during the day if I have a check list to follow. I found that I had a less stressful day if I attack the check list first thing in the morning, rather than telling myself that I could get to my tasks later in the day. I found out that I can quite easily become an obsessive person. But the biggest surprise of all came when I realized that there were some things that I passionately enjoyed doing and some things that I eventually decided I could live without. The surprise part was realizing the things that I enjoyed as opposed to things that I thought I should be doing.
What I enjoy, or how I spent 30 days this summer. I found that I thoroughly enjoy reading, cooking, and cleaning. I am now in the midst of purging my house of unused objects and general clutter. I found that such a home is EASY to maintain and a delight to live in. Plus it absolutely freaks out my husband who had heard me state in regard to cleaning, "After four years it doesn't get any worse".
As far as cooking I'm finally using all those cookbooks that I've collected over the years, which led to the creation of my recipe blog. My current experiment is with raw foods and the incredible world of raw foods beyond salads. Exploring flavors has become a delight for me and a terror filled experiment for my husband who thinks that Twinkies are a major food group.
And finally, summer reading. I've read more books these past few months than I generally read in a year. A great resource for a reading list is the book "Tolstoy and the Purple Chair," by Nina Sankovitch, which led to her "read all day" blog. Check out the blog for 365 book reviews on books written by 365 different authors.
Well, have you tried anything for 30 days? Any discoveries about yourself? I'm still using my daily check list and accomplishing more of the things that I love to do which gives me more time to explore other options for my life. Who knows where this may lead. I'm looking forward to finding out.
I found out that I accomplish more during the day if I have a check list to follow. I found that I had a less stressful day if I attack the check list first thing in the morning, rather than telling myself that I could get to my tasks later in the day. I found out that I can quite easily become an obsessive person. But the biggest surprise of all came when I realized that there were some things that I passionately enjoyed doing and some things that I eventually decided I could live without. The surprise part was realizing the things that I enjoyed as opposed to things that I thought I should be doing.
What I enjoy, or how I spent 30 days this summer. I found that I thoroughly enjoy reading, cooking, and cleaning. I am now in the midst of purging my house of unused objects and general clutter. I found that such a home is EASY to maintain and a delight to live in. Plus it absolutely freaks out my husband who had heard me state in regard to cleaning, "After four years it doesn't get any worse".
As far as cooking I'm finally using all those cookbooks that I've collected over the years, which led to the creation of my recipe blog. My current experiment is with raw foods and the incredible world of raw foods beyond salads. Exploring flavors has become a delight for me and a terror filled experiment for my husband who thinks that Twinkies are a major food group.
And finally, summer reading. I've read more books these past few months than I generally read in a year. A great resource for a reading list is the book "Tolstoy and the Purple Chair," by Nina Sankovitch, which led to her "read all day" blog. Check out the blog for 365 book reviews on books written by 365 different authors.
Well, have you tried anything for 30 days? Any discoveries about yourself? I'm still using my daily check list and accomplishing more of the things that I love to do which gives me more time to explore other options for my life. Who knows where this may lead. I'm looking forward to finding out.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Music and More in Iowa
A facility in Iowa recently took me up on my Music and More offer, so off I went to a lovely little town just an hour past Dubuque. The plan was to play my accordion, musical instrument of ages, and then retire to the dining room for an activity, namely, dying silk scarves with bleeding tissue.
As I arrived early I was given a tour of the facility by the Activity Director, Lisa. We headed for the dining room where lunch was in progress. I was immediately struck by the atmosphere in the dining room and couldn't help but comment. As the lunch progressed the staff went about their business with pleasant smiles, while the residents ate and visited with each other. When the staff did speak to the residents they spoke to them as if they were cherished friends, not a task to be accomplished.
After lunch, when the resident gathered for the music, they were full of care for one another as they got themselves seated. When the music began the residents spontaneously sang along. As for the activity, I decided to find a less cumbersome way to work with the scarves by eliminating the Styrofoam boards. Yes we did! That new and improved scarf dying method will be posted on this blog early next week.
Thanks to Lisa, the staff, volunteer Irene, and the residents for blessing me with a beautiful day. How fortunate they are to live and work in such a caring facility.
As I arrived early I was given a tour of the facility by the Activity Director, Lisa. We headed for the dining room where lunch was in progress. I was immediately struck by the atmosphere in the dining room and couldn't help but comment. As the lunch progressed the staff went about their business with pleasant smiles, while the residents ate and visited with each other. When the staff did speak to the residents they spoke to them as if they were cherished friends, not a task to be accomplished.
After lunch, when the resident gathered for the music, they were full of care for one another as they got themselves seated. When the music began the residents spontaneously sang along. As for the activity, I decided to find a less cumbersome way to work with the scarves by eliminating the Styrofoam boards. Yes we did! That new and improved scarf dying method will be posted on this blog early next week.
Thanks to Lisa, the staff, volunteer Irene, and the residents for blessing me with a beautiful day. How fortunate they are to live and work in such a caring facility.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Dad
Last Friday, on June 17th, Dad died at 6:40 AM. He was 96 years old. I was called on Thursday at midnight by the nurse on duty at the nursing home and told that Dad would probably not make it through the night. After sitting with him for two hours I went home to get some sleep. I returned at 6:15 in the morning, greeted by the nurse, and told that she was happy I made it back in time.
Dad's passing was a gentle event. It left me with a great feeling of peace. I believe the nurse knew, through experience, what a gift it is to be with loved one's at the time of their death. The biggest problem for me is that I've been going to the nursing home every morning for over four years and feeding dad his breakfast. I feel as if I'd been fired from a job and now need to readjust my mornings.
The celebration of dad's life was a happy and slightly raucous occasion. People described dad as one of the kindest and most humorous people they had to privileged of knowing. My brother, Dan, read a list of dad's sayings, including his critique to golfers - "The trouble with your swing is that you were standing too close to the ball after you hit it."
Thanks, dad, for all the great words of wisdom.
"I was waiting for such a long time, she said. I thought you forgot. It's hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone." Brian Andreas - Story People.
Dad's passing was a gentle event. It left me with a great feeling of peace. I believe the nurse knew, through experience, what a gift it is to be with loved one's at the time of their death. The biggest problem for me is that I've been going to the nursing home every morning for over four years and feeding dad his breakfast. I feel as if I'd been fired from a job and now need to readjust my mornings.
The celebration of dad's life was a happy and slightly raucous occasion. People described dad as one of the kindest and most humorous people they had to privileged of knowing. My brother, Dan, read a list of dad's sayings, including his critique to golfers - "The trouble with your swing is that you were standing too close to the ball after you hit it."
Thanks, dad, for all the great words of wisdom.
"I was waiting for such a long time, she said. I thought you forgot. It's hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone." Brian Andreas - Story People.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Two Questions
The other day I stopped at my favorite yarn shop. After purchasing a few skeins of yarn for projects that were skittering around in my brain I stopped at the counter up front to get a coffee drink to take with me. Behind the counter was a quiet young man wearing a top hat and stripped apron. He is the question man.
Regular or decaf, milk or soy, hot or iced, here or to go. I thought that was the about the extent of his questions. Then, while concocting my iced decaf latte with soy to-go he asked, "So, what have you done so far today that was fun?" Silence. Think, think. Then I told him that I had just played my accordion at the nursing home for my dad. Then I thought, did I really have fun, or was it simply on my Friday morning to-do list? What can I do to make sure that it's fun?
He seemed satisfied with my answer and we talked about the resurgence of the accordion, and I taught him the definition of perfect pitch. Perfect pitch is when you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo. Some people actually think that that's funny.
But he wasn't finished. Next he asked, "What do you have planned for later today that you're really excited about doing?" I didn't have an answer. I just never thought of planning my days with those questions in mind. What have I done that's been fun, and what's in my plan for the rest of the day that has me excited. It seems I've been coasting through my days guided by a to-do list. It seems that I'm sinking into the state of becoming a human doing instead of a human being. Silence. More silence.
How about if I start every day with those two questions. Maybe check up on my progress at lunch. I think I'll give it a shot. I'll let you know what happens.
Regular or decaf, milk or soy, hot or iced, here or to go. I thought that was the about the extent of his questions. Then, while concocting my iced decaf latte with soy to-go he asked, "So, what have you done so far today that was fun?" Silence. Think, think. Then I told him that I had just played my accordion at the nursing home for my dad. Then I thought, did I really have fun, or was it simply on my Friday morning to-do list? What can I do to make sure that it's fun?
He seemed satisfied with my answer and we talked about the resurgence of the accordion, and I taught him the definition of perfect pitch. Perfect pitch is when you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo. Some people actually think that that's funny.
But he wasn't finished. Next he asked, "What do you have planned for later today that you're really excited about doing?" I didn't have an answer. I just never thought of planning my days with those questions in mind. What have I done that's been fun, and what's in my plan for the rest of the day that has me excited. It seems I've been coasting through my days guided by a to-do list. It seems that I'm sinking into the state of becoming a human doing instead of a human being. Silence. More silence.
How about if I start every day with those two questions. Maybe check up on my progress at lunch. I think I'll give it a shot. I'll let you know what happens.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Oops
The other day, while visiting dad at the nursing home, another visitor that I've come to know stopped by with news and pictures of a new granddaughter. There were smiles and excitement as we marveled over the peaceful smile on the babies face and the amount of beautiful, dark hair. I enjoyed the pictures and handed them back to the new grandmother, who then handed them to the CNA who was there.
It was only after they left with the pictures that I realized that none of us had thought to share the pictures with the two residents who were sitting with us at the table. Even though it was the memory care unit, both were women who are communicative and known to all of us. But there they sat, smiling as we talked about the baby, but not included in the picture viewing or conversation.
How sad that we so unconsciously contribute to making the senior population invisible. So sad that we've also taken away their voices. A number of years ago there was an uproar over security cameras in senior care facilities. The argument against them was that they would infringe on the privacy of the residents. Perhaps they could also be the eyes and the voice for the residents, documenting their lives for our edification and/or education. Sometimes it's just too easy not to see.
It was only after they left with the pictures that I realized that none of us had thought to share the pictures with the two residents who were sitting with us at the table. Even though it was the memory care unit, both were women who are communicative and known to all of us. But there they sat, smiling as we talked about the baby, but not included in the picture viewing or conversation.
How sad that we so unconsciously contribute to making the senior population invisible. So sad that we've also taken away their voices. A number of years ago there was an uproar over security cameras in senior care facilities. The argument against them was that they would infringe on the privacy of the residents. Perhaps they could also be the eyes and the voice for the residents, documenting their lives for our edification and/or education. Sometimes it's just too easy not to see.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Unhook Your Buttons
The other advantage of aging is the gift of time which offers the opportunity to develop perspective. The word, impossible, can morph into the words, I'm possible. And then there's that blessed gift of time that allows us to better understand our most interesting selves. We get to see, if we're brave enough to look, our quirks and foibles, but also our strengths and beauty.
In the foible department, I've finally come to recognize some of my personal buttons. You know, those things that annoy the dickens out of me. My hot buttons. What those actual buttons are is irrelevant. How I react when one is pushed becomes the issue. You know those discussions that are like a hamster on a wheels. They go round and round and never get anywhere, and yet we engage in them because...? Beats me.
So what, I asked myself, would happen if instead of reacting to one of my favorite protagonist's annoying remarks (am I biased, or what!) I simply smiled. What if I responded with, "That's an interesting way to look at things." Another smile. I'm here to tell you that it drives that particular friend absolutely crazy! It also slows me down enough to listen and sometimes find out that they do have an interesting way of looking at some things. Emphasis on the words interesting and some. I'm not yet in the running for sainthood.
So try unhooking some of your hot buttons with the people in your life. It will give you more energy to develop the you that you long to become before this age thing runs out. And it will drive those disagreeing people crazy!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Meeting Patti
In my last post I referenced a book, "Life is a Verb," by Patti Digh. By checking her blog I found out that Patti was scheduled to speak in various large cities around the United states, and also in Menomonie Wisconsin, a town of about 14,000 people and numerous cows. Serendipitously, Menomonie is but a four plus hour drive from my home and on the way to Minneapolis. Is this making any sense to you? Hold on!
The night of Digh's presentation in Monomonie was the night before my husband and I were planning a weekend in Minneapolis. There's more! My husband is a truck driver who drives to Minneapolis and back. He would actually be in the area the morning after the presentation and maybe (big maybe) he could convince the company he drives for to allow him to leave their semi-trailer at a truck stop for the weekend. We could then meet the morning after the presentation and save hundreds of miles of driving. Of course they wouldn't let him leave a trailer for the weekend, I thought. But of course, they did.
Early in my reasoning process (does this sound like I was being reasonable?) I almost brushed aside the possibility of hearing an author that I greatly admire. How foolish. I continue to learn that stepping into plans nudges things into place.
Patti Digh was beautifully marvelous. The first 100 attendees received a free copy of her new book, "Creative is a Verb". Yes, I did. I also purchased "Four Words Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives" and "What I Wish for You: Simple Wisdom for a Happy Life". I also learned that life presents itself in response to effort. That's a really big thought that's going to take a bit of time to process.
Thanks to Patti for the beautiful evening, to the company that allowed one of its trailers to park for the weekend, and to my husband for stepping into these plans with me. A good time was had by all!
The night of Digh's presentation in Monomonie was the night before my husband and I were planning a weekend in Minneapolis. There's more! My husband is a truck driver who drives to Minneapolis and back. He would actually be in the area the morning after the presentation and maybe (big maybe) he could convince the company he drives for to allow him to leave their semi-trailer at a truck stop for the weekend. We could then meet the morning after the presentation and save hundreds of miles of driving. Of course they wouldn't let him leave a trailer for the weekend, I thought. But of course, they did.
Early in my reasoning process (does this sound like I was being reasonable?) I almost brushed aside the possibility of hearing an author that I greatly admire. How foolish. I continue to learn that stepping into plans nudges things into place.
Patti Digh was beautifully marvelous. The first 100 attendees received a free copy of her new book, "Creative is a Verb". Yes, I did. I also purchased "Four Words Self Help: Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives" and "What I Wish for You: Simple Wisdom for a Happy Life". I also learned that life presents itself in response to effort. That's a really big thought that's going to take a bit of time to process.
Thanks to Patti for the beautiful evening, to the company that allowed one of its trailers to park for the weekend, and to my husband for stepping into these plans with me. A good time was had by all!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Paying Attention
The other day I was visiting a senior care facility at mealtime. It was also at this time that the RN on duty was passing out meds. She was going at a pretty fast clip, but still taking time to interact verbally with each resident. Her comments were upbeat. This enabled her to dispatch her duties with little or no resistance from the residents. But maybe she was going a little too fast.
As she approached one woman in a wheelchair the resident immediately picked up her water glass, obviously knowing the drill. "I can see that you're a lefty," the nurse said in a cheerful voice. "You picked up your water glass right away with your left hand when you saw me coming." The resident didn't comment. An appropriate comment from the resident might have been, "Did you notice that I don't have a right arm?"
Just a little extra time. Just a few seconds more. Slowing down to inhabit their space and their world for just a little while. That shouldn't be too much to ask.
As she approached one woman in a wheelchair the resident immediately picked up her water glass, obviously knowing the drill. "I can see that you're a lefty," the nurse said in a cheerful voice. "You picked up your water glass right away with your left hand when you saw me coming." The resident didn't comment. An appropriate comment from the resident might have been, "Did you notice that I don't have a right arm?"
Just a little extra time. Just a few seconds more. Slowing down to inhabit their space and their world for just a little while. That shouldn't be too much to ask.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Dry Clean Only
I recently attended a presentation by a feng shui practitioner. It had a good news/bad news effect. Coupled with the "Spring Cleaning" bacteria that infects my psyche at this time of year, my house and possessions were in trouble.
Being the type of cleaner that I am, living by the motto, "After four years it doesn't get any worse," I approached my cleaning enthusiasm cautiously, starting with a few simple areas. But finally, I had to face my nemesis. Namely, my bathroom.
Although the above mentioned room is sanitary, if you don't count dust bunnies, the room had one irksome cleaning dilemma. The shower curtain, which in spite of it's beauty, had collected a bit of soap scum on one of its corners. Aside from that it hangs there in all its glorious gold and cream brocade, sporting a little tag that says, "Dry Clean Only." And so you ask, who would be the idiot to purchase a dry clean only shower curtain. Guilty as charged.
Realizing that I was unwilling to live any longer with the soaped up corner, and also unwilling to take a shower curtain to the dry cleaners, I grit my teeth and threw the shower curtain into the washer, wishing it the best of luck. The worst case scenario would be a ruined curtain which would allow me to shop for a new one. There are worse things in life. Magically, however, the shower curtain came out of the washer in pristine condition. Soap scum gone, fabric unscathed.
Isn't that the way it goes. Sometimes we live with irksome conditions, unwilling to take a chance and ask that simple question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Armed with this success, the rest of my rooms, and perhaps other parts of my life, are in for some makeovers. My new question is, "What's the best thing that could happen?"
Being the type of cleaner that I am, living by the motto, "After four years it doesn't get any worse," I approached my cleaning enthusiasm cautiously, starting with a few simple areas. But finally, I had to face my nemesis. Namely, my bathroom.
Although the above mentioned room is sanitary, if you don't count dust bunnies, the room had one irksome cleaning dilemma. The shower curtain, which in spite of it's beauty, had collected a bit of soap scum on one of its corners. Aside from that it hangs there in all its glorious gold and cream brocade, sporting a little tag that says, "Dry Clean Only." And so you ask, who would be the idiot to purchase a dry clean only shower curtain. Guilty as charged.
Realizing that I was unwilling to live any longer with the soaped up corner, and also unwilling to take a shower curtain to the dry cleaners, I grit my teeth and threw the shower curtain into the washer, wishing it the best of luck. The worst case scenario would be a ruined curtain which would allow me to shop for a new one. There are worse things in life. Magically, however, the shower curtain came out of the washer in pristine condition. Soap scum gone, fabric unscathed.
Isn't that the way it goes. Sometimes we live with irksome conditions, unwilling to take a chance and ask that simple question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Armed with this success, the rest of my rooms, and perhaps other parts of my life, are in for some makeovers. My new question is, "What's the best thing that could happen?"
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Why We Talk
I recently read an article with ideas on why people talk. Instinctively, I'd probably respond that people talk in order to gather or give information. The article took a different slant and caused me to take another look at my interactions with the senior population.
According to the article, we talk in order to make ourselves known and to position ourselves. We make ourselves known by revealing things about ourselves and making a noise that tells other people that we exist. We position ourselves by getting reactions to, and repeating our stories that get positive reactions.
For instance - if a young child you know, such as your own child, a grandchild, a niece or nephew, or some other small person, does something that you consider interesting or note worthy, it's likely that you're going to share the story with those you come in contact with. So, you might come to work and relate that this child corrected a teacher in math class and proved that they (the child) had a better understanding of the subject matter than the teacher did. You tell a co-worker who says how proud you must be and what brilliant children you have in your family. Score! A story, obviously, worth repeating throughout the day. You bask in the accolades given to someone that you know.
But what if the reaction you encountered ran something like, "What a belligerent little snip that child seems to be. I only hope you're watchful so the child doesn't grow up to be a mass murderer!" Whoa! Get that reaction a few times and you might file your story in the "Do Not Share" file.
So we tell stories that will reflect positively on ourselves and on those who are part of our lives. There are also those stories where we're wronged or where we're heroes. These seem to be some of our culture's favorites.
So how does this affect the senior population in our care? All too often, when I work at or visit a facility I observe staff talking to each other instead of talking with the resident that they're dealing with. Whether it's feeding or exercising the resident, the staff member, all too often, is talking and looking through the resident. This is, of course, normal. That's because we're generally not going to get a reaction from the resident about the incidents we have on our story board for the day and which we consider worthy of note.
The other thing I've observed is that many times when a staff person passes other staff in the hall they greet each other, even though they both may be pushing a resident in a wheel chair or walking with a resident. Most often the residents look detached from what's going on around them. As an experiment I decided not to greet staff who are with residents. Instead, I'd make eye contact with the resident and give a greeting. It's amazing how their faces light up and they come into the present, delighted that someone is aware of their existence.
Finally, I'd like to give recognition to the vast majority of staff who share themselves, listen, and are present to those seniors who are cut off from social interactions in so many ways. It's a kindness to give them their opportunities to make themselves known and to appreciate the lives they led in the past and the time their sharing with us in the present. You are a blessing to their lives.
Thank you for all that you do.
According to the article, we talk in order to make ourselves known and to position ourselves. We make ourselves known by revealing things about ourselves and making a noise that tells other people that we exist. We position ourselves by getting reactions to, and repeating our stories that get positive reactions.
For instance - if a young child you know, such as your own child, a grandchild, a niece or nephew, or some other small person, does something that you consider interesting or note worthy, it's likely that you're going to share the story with those you come in contact with. So, you might come to work and relate that this child corrected a teacher in math class and proved that they (the child) had a better understanding of the subject matter than the teacher did. You tell a co-worker who says how proud you must be and what brilliant children you have in your family. Score! A story, obviously, worth repeating throughout the day. You bask in the accolades given to someone that you know.
But what if the reaction you encountered ran something like, "What a belligerent little snip that child seems to be. I only hope you're watchful so the child doesn't grow up to be a mass murderer!" Whoa! Get that reaction a few times and you might file your story in the "Do Not Share" file.
So we tell stories that will reflect positively on ourselves and on those who are part of our lives. There are also those stories where we're wronged or where we're heroes. These seem to be some of our culture's favorites.
So how does this affect the senior population in our care? All too often, when I work at or visit a facility I observe staff talking to each other instead of talking with the resident that they're dealing with. Whether it's feeding or exercising the resident, the staff member, all too often, is talking and looking through the resident. This is, of course, normal. That's because we're generally not going to get a reaction from the resident about the incidents we have on our story board for the day and which we consider worthy of note.
The other thing I've observed is that many times when a staff person passes other staff in the hall they greet each other, even though they both may be pushing a resident in a wheel chair or walking with a resident. Most often the residents look detached from what's going on around them. As an experiment I decided not to greet staff who are with residents. Instead, I'd make eye contact with the resident and give a greeting. It's amazing how their faces light up and they come into the present, delighted that someone is aware of their existence.
Finally, I'd like to give recognition to the vast majority of staff who share themselves, listen, and are present to those seniors who are cut off from social interactions in so many ways. It's a kindness to give them their opportunities to make themselves known and to appreciate the lives they led in the past and the time their sharing with us in the present. You are a blessing to their lives.
Thank you for all that you do.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Resolutions
I've often heard people discuss the possibility of a better world. I've also heard the opinion that one way to make a better world is to begin with the self, i.e. if everyone used all of the bettering energy on making themselves a better person, the world would naturally become a better place to live.
Truthfully, in my most cynical moments, I find that it's much easier to see the speck in someone else's eye. Also, it takes a lot less energy to criticize than it does to become a better person. These thoughts came to mind when a group of us got into a discussion about New Year's resolutions. Groan! Well, a person could take the easy way out and resolve to do something that they can't fail at, citing the benefit to their self-esteem, such as, I hereby resolve to gain at least ten pounds during the next year. Feeling good when you reach your goal? Probably not.
But the word, resolution, was causing discomfort in our group until someone suggested adopting an area of emphasis. They pointed out that having an area of emphasis did not have an end goal, such as losing ten pounds, but would rather concentrate on a certain way of being. This particular person said that they were going to focus on being more affirming to other people, pointing out people's contributions rather than their faults.
This could be as simple as a thank-you whenever someone gives an assist, or it could be an observation that puts a positive spin on someone's efforts. "That was nice of you to (fill in the blank). What a thoughtful thing to do." Takes about ten seconds to say. Could really make someone's day!
Truthfully, in my most cynical moments, I find that it's much easier to see the speck in someone else's eye. Also, it takes a lot less energy to criticize than it does to become a better person. These thoughts came to mind when a group of us got into a discussion about New Year's resolutions. Groan! Well, a person could take the easy way out and resolve to do something that they can't fail at, citing the benefit to their self-esteem, such as, I hereby resolve to gain at least ten pounds during the next year. Feeling good when you reach your goal? Probably not.
But the word, resolution, was causing discomfort in our group until someone suggested adopting an area of emphasis. They pointed out that having an area of emphasis did not have an end goal, such as losing ten pounds, but would rather concentrate on a certain way of being. This particular person said that they were going to focus on being more affirming to other people, pointing out people's contributions rather than their faults.
This could be as simple as a thank-you whenever someone gives an assist, or it could be an observation that puts a positive spin on someone's efforts. "That was nice of you to (fill in the blank). What a thoughtful thing to do." Takes about ten seconds to say. Could really make someone's day!
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