Why We Talk

I recently read an article with ideas on why people talk.  Instinctively, I'd probably respond that people talk in order to gather or give information.  The article took a different slant and caused me to take another look at my interactions with the senior population.

According to the article, we talk in order to make ourselves known and to position ourselves.  We make ourselves known by revealing things about ourselves and making a noise that tells other people that we exist.  We position ourselves by getting reactions to, and repeating our stories that get positive reactions.

For instance - if a young child you know, such as your own child, a grandchild, a niece or nephew, or some other small person, does something that you consider interesting or note worthy, it's likely that you're going to share the story with those you come in contact with.  So, you might come to work and relate that this child corrected a teacher in math class and proved that they (the child) had a better understanding of the subject matter than the teacher did.  You tell a co-worker who says how proud you must be and what brilliant children you have in your family.  Score!  A story, obviously, worth repeating throughout the day.  You bask in the accolades given to someone that you know.

But what if the reaction you encountered ran something like, "What a belligerent little snip that child seems to be.  I only hope you're watchful so the child doesn't grow up to be a mass murderer!"  Whoa!  Get that reaction a few times and you might file your story in the "Do Not Share" file.

So we tell stories that will reflect positively on ourselves and on those who are part of our lives.  There are also those stories where we're wronged or where we're heroes.  These seem to be some of our culture's favorites. 

So how does this affect the senior population in our care?  All too often, when I work at or visit a facility I observe staff talking to each other instead of talking with the resident that they're dealing with.  Whether it's feeding or exercising the resident, the staff member, all too often, is talking and looking through the resident.  This is, of course, normal.  That's because we're generally not going to get a reaction from the resident about the incidents we have on our story board for the day and which we consider worthy of note.

The other thing I've observed is that many times when a staff person passes other staff in the hall they greet each other, even though they both may be pushing a resident in a wheel chair or walking with a resident.  Most often the residents look detached from what's going on around them.  As an experiment I decided not to greet staff who are with residents.  Instead, I'd make eye contact with the resident and give a greeting.  It's amazing how their faces light up and they come into the present, delighted that someone is aware of their existence.


Finally, I'd like to give recognition to the vast majority of staff who share themselves, listen, and are present to those seniors who are cut off from social interactions in so many ways.  It's a kindness to give them their opportunities to make themselves known and to appreciate the lives they led in the past and the time their sharing with us in the present.  You are a blessing to their lives.

Thank you for all that you do.